a shoe that fits

a shoe that fits

Shoes were my frustrations. Sa isang tulad ko na nagmana ng kalakihan ng paa ng aking Papa, madalas ay nahihirapan akong bumili ng sapatos. Malimit na pag kailangan ko ng sapatos na gagamitin sa mga formal occasions at titingin ako sa ladies’ section sa mga mall, nakaka-kita lang ako ng gusto ko at hindi ko mabilibili.  Sa huli ay napupunta ko sa mga pang-malalaking sizes. Di ba, may mga ginawa kasing sapatos o sandals na bagay lamang para sa mga maliliit na paa, ang pangit naman kung para sa malalaking paa, hindi ba? Salamat na lamang at may Parisians na may mga big sizes na available.:p

Madalas, pag bibili na ako ng sapatos ay naa-alala ko ang sabi ni mama, “Bumili ka ng sapatos kapag tanghali  o hapon na. Mas malaki ang paa ng mga tao sa tanghali o hapon kasi maiinit.” Noong una ay hindi ko ma-connect ang sinasabi ni mama, mas malaki ang paa sa hapon?

Pero may punto naman pala siya, natutunan ko sa Chemistry teacher ko nung 3rd year na  mas nag-eexpand ang paa kapag mainit. *cheers mama!=)

Minsan ko ring na-alala, may gustong-gusto akong sapatos noon, black leather shoes ng Rusty Lopez na pamasok sa eskwelahan, 4th year highschool na ako noon..

Sobrang gusto ko yung sapatos, pero tulad ng ibang istorya walang size na kasya sa akin, meron pero next week pa raw darating (na simula na ng pasukan). Halos iyakan ko si mama dahil gusto ko talaga nung sapatos na yun. Sa sobrang awa sa akin ni mama ay naghanap kami sa iba pang mga branch ng Rusty Lopez. Nabibigo na ko nun kaya sabi ko kay mama, ok na yun kahit masikip, gagamitan ko na lang ng manipis na medyas.

Sabi ni mama, “peb, matagal mong gagamitin yung sapatos nay un. Dalawa lang yan, Sasakit lang ang paa mo kung ipipilit mo yang isuot o masisira yung sapatos na gustong-gusto mo, masasayang lang.” Sa isip ko (monologue)  “Hmp, maganda lang kasi ang paa mo mama, kaya kahit anong sapatos at sandals na gusto mo nabibili mo. Ang dami-dami mo nang sapatos sa bahay. Sana ipinamana mo na lang sa akin ang kagandahan ng paa mo para hindi na ko nahihirapan ng ganito.” (Tama, emotera na ako noon.)hehe

But wait there’s more. Konting araw pa ang lumipas at magpapa-sukan na. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nakain ni mama at niyaya niya akong mag-mall. Kinaladkad niya ko papuntang Rusty Lopez sa isang Mall sa bandang Ayala na yata iyon. OMG! Ang aking pinaka-aasam na sapatos ay nandoon at may size ko na. Ayun, umuwi kaming ako ang nagbitbit ng paper bag ng sapatos ko. Very childish.haha!=)

Hanggang ngayon ay nasa akin pa rin yung sapatos, buo pa sya. Gusto ko mang ipamigay sa mga pinsan kong babae ay hindi naman kasya sa kanila, barko kasi yung sapatos. Kaya na sa akin pa rin sya.

May sapatos akong nakita at mag-iisang taon ko nang nagugustuhan. Pero hindi talaga magkasya.

 Mama, sana masabi mo ulit sa akin ito,  ”Dalawa lang yan, Sasakit lang ang paa mo kung ipipilit mo yang isuot o masisira yung sapatos na gustong-gusto mo, sayang naman.”

 

 

—-First published this blog last July 25, 2009 during my prime years of writing out of my young heart and tactless thoughts. The pair of shoes were left at our old abandoned house in Pulilan.

Three years after writing this cheesy masterpiece, I copy-pasted it here at the text box.. Then I stared at my feet. haha. i do have a pair of Big, unique feet..

And  like entering into a relationship, (yes, ma-connect lang :) ) I can always waste my time staring at the parading godly men in front of me, i can always window shop and try fancy, elegant shoes.  But thank you to my gracious God,  He holds my heart and never let me “try to be in the relationships.”

Just like my Mama when she was still alive (and i was not yet Saved at that time)..

God is always there to remind me that there will only be a unique pair of  “the  shoes that fit.”

 

#1 Missionary at heart

#1 Missionary at heart
missionary at heart. :)

I was staring for more than an hour in my laptop, searching for words on how will I write today for you. I am still unlearning myself from the experiences I had last week, holy week.

I’ve been to the mountains for 4 days, been with a group of 10 men and 4 ladies. Being with these men made me realized God’s amazing plan for me..

I pray to God that you, my prince have the heart for missions.

Having this passion for kids and the desire to reach them in any means and ways possible led me to join this group for holy week. And as i observe them, my heart jumped for joy knowing that these men spent their time, talents and gifts serving others, (Dumagat tribes).

Kuya Jun, Kuya Marlon and Kuya Gino

No pretension and not asking anything in return, they embraced and mingled with the kids that they just knew for not more than an hour.

Sitio Puray, Rodriguez, Rizal

Touched down city, their phones started to ring…their nagging girlfriends called them and do the usual interrogations and all our kuyas can do is to rebut.. “wala ngang signal sa bundok, paano kita mako-contact..blah.blah.blah”.

Hearing and seeing these confrontations made me smile and pray to our God that If you are a missionary as I am we are there in the mountains together. Whatever is your profession, (into medicine, a pastor, a writer) together we will serve them using our God-given talents.

I or you don’t have to check on one another for we are already together. Or if you are out there in the missions, for sure I will understand you were not able to check on me.

 

I pray to God that you are a missionary. But I am also praying that you have other professions aside from being a missionary..

My small group asked me once what are the characteristics of the man I am praying to God. Surprisingly, I have written your qualities months before that small group meeting. Number one in my list is you being a missionary..

I find it weird that I never had a vision of having mission trips outside the country. Countless times I’ve been praying to God that He will give me my mission place. Yet in dreams He showed me mountains, tribes, M-16 with red ribbon and Mindanao.

I am walking in my faith that I will meet you one day in the mission field.. and I am so ecstatic to meet you. Big Daddy promised me this and I will forever hold on into His promise. :)

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. -Isaiah 55:12

Isaiah 48:15

15 I, even I, have spoken;
yes, I have called him.
I will bring him, 
   and he will succeed in his mission.

16 “Come near me and listen to this:

“From the first announcement I have not spoken in secret;
at the time it happens, I am there.”

And now the Sovereign LORD has sent me,
endowed with his Spirit.

17 This is what the LORD says—
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the LORD your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.
18 If only you had paid attention to my commands,
your peace would have been like a river,
your well-being like the waves of the sea.
19 Your descendants would have been like the sand,
your children like its numberless grains;
their name would never be blotted out
nor destroyed from before me.”

building blocks

building blocks

Being literally surrounded by men, boys, guys or dude (whatever you can call them) has never been an issue for me. I am one-of-the-boys and I will always find it comfortable to be  with them than my girlfriends.

Alam mo yun, hindi na kailangang mag-ayos, mag-make up, sumama sa cr with them and talk about vanities and girl things..

But these past few days, iba ang nagging realizations ko..or should I say revelations ni Bigdaddy.

The phrase, “If you can’t beat them then join them” has never been my motto in life. And indeed, last Monday God made me realized that I should not embrace this principle..no comprimise. ;)

I must admit that though we are working in a Christian company, not all the employees here are  living a life called and expected of a children of God, especially my “kuyas”.

Okay, what am I saying?

The “kuyas” that are expected to lead me towards God were the ones who caused me to question my God.

The “kuyas” that are tasked to guard my deceitful heart are the ones that broke my heart.

They shattered the walls of the ideal Christian man that I’ve been praying for to God.

The way they talk and drop unwholesome jokes not only to one another but even to “other people” (reporters and crews from other tv stations, cashier to food chains and parking lots) caused me to question their relationship with God.

Every single day, before we leave the office for coverage we pray to God.

we pray thet God will  guide and guard us. That whatever we say, feel and do will always and will only glorify our God, that in every actions that we make, we will shine only for Him and that through us HE will be made known.

But, seeing them act these ways made me stumble in my faith.. “foolish builders, hypocrites” these were some of the terms that flashed in my mind last Monday when they reached my boiling point. I never had this short patience in my life, ever. Every word that they uttered will enter my left ear and will never go out to the other, I will digest and interpret it.

Okay, there I said it. I never overlooked the fact that maybe, It was my fault..it is my fault.

Maybe, I was just being idealistic..perfectionist, assuming or according to them “conservative”

Or maybe I am being too proud of myself, of my relationship with Christ.

And as I confess and admit these pride  to God, He made me realized one thing….”why not convert your disappointments to inspirations?”

Ting!

If these were the characteristics and attitudes that my “kuyas” were doing, and it is not pleasing into my standards…then I can now pray for the characteristics and attitudes that my Prince should be having.

While seeing every words they utter and actions that they do as stumbling blocks to dream and believe that there are still men after God’s own heart, then why  can’t I use these blocks to build the tower of the prince I am praying for?

Oh, God you are so amazing.. You are oozing with wisdom. How can You see negative things and circumstances as opportunities to see beautiful things and believe that they are real?

And now I will be listing down characteristics that I am praying to God that you my prince is bearing…

building you in my prayers but God will be the perfect architect ever. :)